Any holiday that revolves around family seems to hit me pretty hard. Even though we have the two boys, I have a difficult time every time a holiday comes around and I’m not pregnant. I put way too much pressure on myself and tell myself that I’ll be pregnant by (insert random holiday here). Of course it doesn’t happen. I then start my day out depressed and cry for a good time before I can start my day out. Father’s Day was no different.
Then to top it off, I started my period this morning. If nothing else will remind me of my barren womb, that does a great job of it. I was handling it pretty well though. Just cried a bit while sitting on the toilet then crawled back in bed and slept till one in the afternoon. I would have stayed in bed longer but we had my cousin’s graduation party to go to.
So when I awoke, I decided to check my facebook right away. This is what I saw.
Not too big of a deal. I’m very happy for Jill. I just wish it was me posting a belly pic.
Then hidden among all the innocent Father’s Day statuses, I saw this.
This was the one that unhinged me. She was my best friend from elementary school. Of course, I liked the status and wished her congratulations. Then I decided it was time to take a shower and have a good cry.
As fate likes to kick me in the butt, I couldn’t have a good cry. Our water heater is junk and only works when it wants to so no shower for me. I was trying not to cry in front of K and held it in until we got in the car to leave. I started bawling as soon as we drove out of town. When we arrived at the party, I know I’m all puffy and red. My sister asked what was wrong and I start again. Only teared up for a little bit though. I was fine for the rest of the afternoon. It was very nice visiting with my cousins, aunts and uncles.
But that was the triple whammy that did me in yesterday. Father’s Day, menstruation and facebook. At least since my birthday is at the end of this month, I am unable to set a deadline of being pregnant by then.