The Mean Reds

I am a horrible blogger. Oh well.

I have to admit that I haven’t posted lately because I’ve been depressed. Not “I’m having a bad day” depressed but barely functioning depressed.

I only got out of bed to go to work and the bathroom. I didn’t shower, didn’t eat except to grab an occasional piece of venison jerky, and didn’t talk to my husband except to nod or shrug my shoulders.

I hate being like this. I hate how it scares my husband because he thinks I will leave him or try to kill myself. I don’t know what’s wrong and I can’t fix myself.

I used to be on antidepressants but my doctor never prescribed one that made me feel normal. Either it didn’t work or it made me have no normal range of emotions at all, just a god mood. So I stopped taking them about six months ago. And with the help of my husband (he recognizes when I’m going off course and gets me back on), my faith and regular exercise, I’ve been able to keep my symptoms under control.

This last week has been very bad. K and I have been snippy with each other lately and I haven’t attended church in three weeks because of work or being out of town. This has really made a difference in how I feel about myself. I need to get back on track. So tonight, I have to tell K how I’ve been feeling. I really need his support.

At least I know what has to be done to make me feel better. I just have to get things back in line.

Sorry for the depressing post. Just wanted to share.

Have a happy Monday! I know I will try to. I’m going to leave you with a few Scripture verses that give me comfort when things are looking bleak.

“And I will also ease your burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.” — Mosiah 24:14

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” — John 14:16-18

“Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments.
They that fear thee will be glad when they see me; because I have hoped in thy word.
I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.
Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant.
Let thy tender mercies come unto me, that I may live: for thy law is my delight.
Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts.
Let those that fear thee turn unto me, and those that have known thy testimonies.
Let my heart be sound in thy statutes; that I be not ashamed.”
— Psalms 119:73-80

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One thought on “The Mean Reds

  1. I can relate to all your feelings. Some are better than others. Keep your head up! Keep strong in your faith and never lose hope. I’m not sure what religion you are, but confiding in a priest can help a ton. I seek out my priest whenever I am having troubles. I also seek out Jesus daily.

    Praying for you! It if you ever need to chat, feel free to email at jesundbe@charter.net. God Bless, and remember: Pray, hope, and don’t worry!!! (Saint Padre Pio)/

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