At the Hospital and St. Nick’s Day

Yesterday morning I had my D&C and hysterscopy. It went well and I find out what’s up next Monday at my follow-up appointment.

I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning which meant I had to be on the road by 4:15. Of course, it had rained and snowed overnight so the roads were a bit slick. I picked my litlle sister Daisy up because she was my ride home. Unfortunately, K couldn’t take me because he has no vacation days left and couldn’t find anyone to switch shifts with him. So I kissed him goodbye and said I would be home before him.

Well, it only took about five extra minutes to arrive. I checked in and was sent to the third floor where I had to check in again. We sat in the waiting room for about five minutes then I was shuttled back to my cubbyhole. I got asked a bunch of questions then changed into my gown and hospital socks with the non-slip trippers on the bottoms. Cute. The nurse then came back and hooked me up to the blood pressure cuff and oxygen sat finger thingie. Since it was only about 5:45 and my procedure wasn’t until 7:00, I broke out the iPad and played around on Pinterest and then played solitaire for a bit.

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That’s me all cheerful and crap. My sister and I were laughing and having a good time. I of course had to put in a vague status on Facebook (since I didn’t tell anyone about this beforehand) saying “In my gown and all ready to go- with Daisy -at Aurora Baycare Medical Center”. I haven’t checked my Facebook since then so I’m sure there are comments asking what’s going on.

Then at about 6:30, the nurse came back in to get me set up. She put the anti clotting things on my legs. I don’t know if you’re familiar with these but they look like white plastic leg braces that inflate in stages going up the leg. They felt odd, kind of like a less painful version of pins and needles feeling and I would end up giggling every time they inflated, which was every other minute or so. She got me all hooked up with the heart monitor pads and put that shower cap like hat over my hair.

Then the anesthesiologist came by and talked to me about his part and asked me if I had any questions. The nurses had reminded me to ask for the motion sickness patch that goes behind the ear since I get incredibly nauseous after general anesthesia. He ordered that and I didn’t even notice that the nurse put it on me.

Then Dr. G stopped in and asked me if I had any questions and talked about what he was going to do. In case you missed it from before, he wanted to take a look inside because when I had an ultrasound last week, it looked like I had polyps, a raggedy endometrium and scar tissue. After he left, the nurse said the procedure would take about 45 minutes, I would be in recovery about 45 minutes and then in the pre-discharge room for about an hour.

So another nurse came by and introduced himself and brought me back to the operating room. I slid over onto the table and put my butt where they wanted it and that’s the last thing I remember. I don’t even remember the gas mask going on my face.

No idea what went on but Dr. G told my sister everything went fine after he was finished. I didn’t even see him after that, probably because he had to skedaddle off and see to his appointments at the clinic.

When they woke me up in recovery, I started bawling. I think it was because I was startled awake. I just remember crying and bawling and saying how much I wanted to call K. They were nice and brought me a phone but I couldn’t remember his work number which made me start bawling again. I then promptly passed out again. I do remember the nurses waking me up and making me take a couple of deep breaths and then cough. I found out later it was because my oxygen levels kept dropping very low even with oxygen on. My blood pressure also would not stabilize and they needed that to raise higher before I could go to pre discharge. So the 45 minutes I was supposed to be in recovery lasted about 2 hours.

I finally got to go to pre-discharge where I mostly just slept or stared mindlessly at the TV.

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Do you notice how crappy I look? I also think I look kind of puffy but it could be the poor photo quality or the fact that I’m just fat. Shortly before I was going to be sent home, they had me use the bathroom and get dressed. The nurse was going to give me one of the hospital’s big mesh underwear and mattress-thick pads but I was smart and brought an ultra-thin pad with me. After I was dressed, she gave me saltines and more ice water. Once I finished those, I was wheeled down to my vehicle to head home.

I just wanted to fall asleep but Daisy wouldn’t let me. She hates driving in Green Bay and didn’t want to rely on the Garmin to get her home. So I had to tell her every exit and lane change to make. We stopped at ALDI on the way home so I could pick up soup, supper for the boys and candy for St. Nick’s Day. I’m very disappointed because this year they aren’t carrying the German chocolates and candies I buy for St. Nick’s Day. I’m sure everyone at the store thought I was drunk because I was slurring and forgetting words, swaying down the aisles, and using the shelves for support.

Once we got to my house, I let my sister take my truck to her house and I passed out on the couch. K came home and asked me how everything went. He then went to go pick up gift certificates for Frick and Frack’s gifts for today. When he got back home, this is what he brought me.

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I really do have a sweet husband.

I slept most of the afternoon but woke up to watch How I Met Your Mother. I started crying when Robin is told she can’t have children. Yeah, I’m hopeless sometimes. I’m going to blame it on the lingering effects of the anesthesia. I then went to bed and slept some more.

Around three thirty, I woke up and put out St. Nick’s Day gifts. My family thinks it’s weird that I have everyone put out their shoes, but that is the tradition in Germany. Good children clean their shoes and leave them to be filled with sweets and toys. Bad children have a birch switch left for them courtesy of Knecht Ruprecht. Of course, Frick and Frack were good children.

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(St. Nicholas and Knecht Ruprecht. Notice the switches for the naughty children.)

I slept as long as I could this morning, so I wasn’t up to see the boys with their gifts. When K got up to go to work though, he put a bag of peanut M&Ms and a scratch off ticket on my shoes by our bedroom door. I told you he was the best husband. He usually doesn’t remember to buy stuff for me (and I refuse to buy for myself) so I don’t normally get anything. Same goes for stocking stuffers on Christmas.

Away from the holiday and back to how I feel today. My throat is super sore (I think they put a tube down your throat when you’re under) and I’m just a little crampy. Also, my lady parts feel like I participated in a gang bang. I’m just guessing at how that would feel since I’ve never experienced one. Overall though, I feel good but still tired. I went to work both jobs and felt fine the whole day. I think I might end up in bed early tonight though.

All in all, I think yesterday went well and St. Nick’s Day went off without a hitch. I must say, if it wasn’t a medical procedure, I wouldn’t mind having a D&C more often. All the pampering and attention you get from the nurses can really go to a girl’s head. Nobody brings me warm blankets at home.

Have a terrific Tuesday. Oh, does your family do St. Nick’s Day? And do you put gifts in stockings or on top of shoes?

E.R., Walmart and Some Really Great Drawings

This morning I made a trip up to the ER because our doctor office was completely booked.

I posted yesterday about my mishap with my back.

My little sister, Daisy, brought me up to the local ER. She was more concerned with how pretty the nurse was than how much pain I was in. She called me a big baby. Of course, my sister is nineteen and has never really experienced intense pain like this.

I swear the doctor was younger than me. I don’t think 31 is old but it made me feel that way when I had Doogie Howser treating me. He came in, felt my back, asked where my pain was on a scale of 1-10 (it was an 8) and said he’d send the nurse in with some meds.

On a side note, how do you know where your pain is on a numerical scale if you’ve never experienced a ten?

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That was me in my room. Don’t I look sexy with my gigantic boobs and belly and stick arms and legs. The pictures are out of focus because I forgot to set my camera up to shoot inside the hospital.

So I did sudoku and Daisy played on my iPad until the nurse came back with some meds. I took some prednisone by mouth and then she had to give me two shots in the behind, one for pain and one to relax my muscles. I asked Daisy to take a picture but she wouldn’t. The nurse was awesome and I didn’t even feel the injections until she pushed the meds in. My bottom is still sore though. She then left and said she would be back in twenty minutes to check to see if they were working.

Daisy drew a picture for me.

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Here’s her interpretation of the shots.

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Don’t you love that she added my boob sticking out under my arm? This is what she said my butt would look like afterwards. I wish.

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She then added some vulgar graffiti. What else would you expect from a bored nineteen year old?

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I don’t know what a wenier is, but it’s nice to know I love it.

Anyways, the nurse checked back in and I was still in pain with a little sleepiness added in. Another half-hour later, Doogie came back and asked how I was doing. I told him I was still in extreme pain.

He then asked me what I thought we should do next? If I wasn’t feeling so dopey and drug-addled, I would have said “You’re the doctor; you tell me”. He asked me if I wanted to go home and rest. Duh, who wants to sit around in a hospital all day? He then asked me about what kind of drug I wanted for pain. I told him I get rebound migraines from Vicodin and when he asked about Tramadol, I said it wasn’t very effective for pain. So he asked me if I wanted Percocet, oxycodone or a fentanyl patch. Um…you went to med school to tell me what to take. I chose the Percocet. So he wrote me a scrip for prednisone and Percocet and instructions to follow up with my family doc on Monday or Tuesday. Then he sent me on my merry way.

So, because I had to pick up a few things from Walmart for the Packer game on Sunday, I figured I would fill my scrips there. Now, I can barely walk so I opted for the motorized scooter. Sexy, huh? The greeter said the carts were outside and being brought in but he would have the first one go to me. Well, the guy bringing the cart pulled it up and some old lady, who saw me hobbling toward it, hopped on it and scootered away. Luckily, the next one was just a few minutes away.

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Yep, that’s me in the beer aisle, wearing pajamas and riding a scooter. Pretty classy!

So anyway, the cranky lady in the pharmacy who said it would take 45 minutes (no speeding it up, they don’t give special treatment to anyone, even if they are in pain, she really said that to me) finally let me have my meds. We went home and I passed out from Percocet.

That was my day. How was yours?

Have a happy Friday.

Dad’s fine but leave your kid home.

Today my dad had his bypass surgery. It went well and the doctor even said his heart looked very strong. I was at the hospital when he was starting to come out of anesthesia. He looked so weak and sick though. It was a little scary. The nurse in the cardiac intensive care unit was very nice and took time to answer my questions even though they were crazy busy because there was a fire somewhere in the hospital and were running on the backup generator. Really sweet of her.

My sister was there at 5:30 am and stayed the whole day. She also brought her daughter who turns one in two weeks. I don’t care if she’s well behaved. Why would you bring a baby that young to sit in the waiting room for ten hours? She then took her back into the ICU room that my dad was recovering in. I’m sorry but babies and small children just don’t belong there. Yes she was well-behaved but she still didn’t belong there. Does anyone else agree?