Blues, Clutter, and Impending Doom

I haven’t been posting because I haven’t had the motivation to. Depression sucks. I lost my main client so only work 2 hours a week right now. Apparently, I am the type of person who is fulfilled when I go to work.

I am trying to get out of this slump. It is hard because K is usually the one to help pull me out of this. Since he was put on third shift, he has been pretty depressed too. Do you know how horrible it is to have two depressed people in one couple? For one thing, our house is a cluttered mess right now. Neither one of us wants to clean. We just do enough so that our house isn’t dirty. The clutter is starting to drive me crazy.

I now have some motivation to get things taken care of. Satan’s handmaiden, a.k.a. my mother-in-law, is coming up for Frick’s high school graduation this Friday. I hate when she comes to visit. It puts so much stress on our marriage that we fight so bad someone mentions divorce. Any other time, our marriage is pretty good. The occasional fight that is resolved within a day is about the worst that it gets.

I’m just ready for this month to be over with. I need something to look forward to.


Lack of sleep makes you think


So, I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning because my sinuses are bothering me. When I am up with nothing to do, I start to think about all sorts of things. This following post is not an expert opinion; it’s just random thoughts from the brain of someone sleep deprived.

I have been noticing lately how many people (in real life and out in the blog world), two or three years after having a child, end up divorced. A lot of these couples have been married less than five years. I started wondering what on earth went wrong that happily ever after ended shortly after the honeymoon.

I’m also amazed at how many couples who made it through infertility struggles with a baby and still get divorced. Shouldn’t the fact that they weathered such a storm have made them even stronger? Or did those struggles cause such damage to the foundation of their marriage that it was going to collapse eventually?

When K and I decided to get married, I was worried that he wouldn’t think divorce was a big deal since he was divorced. Let’s face it too. Marriages in which the husband has been previously married have a higher divorce rate than marriages that are a first for both spouses. Divorce in your history makes you more likely to have another.

So we discussed our thoughts on divorce. I told him that it was not an option unless something unforgivable happened. I know he kind of went into the marriage with an attitude that so many people have. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce.”

There have been times in our short marriage where we have thought it and even voiced it a time or two. We both know that in the long run, it’s not what we really want. So we stew for a few hours or days and then discuss what is really bothering us. Often times, that is enough for us to realize that we are so much stronger than our bad days or weeks. We don’t keep things inside and let them grow into these insurmountable obstacles. We also knew from the get-go that we wouldn’t be happy all the time. Marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses. Sometimes it is just plain work.

Here’s the reason I knew K was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. Even though I was madly, head over heels in love and thought he was incredibly hot, I knew that I wanted to be with him after the overwhelming passion and looks faded away and what we were left with was a comfortable companionship. I knew that even though there would be times that I didn’t love him, the times that I did will be greater.

Sorry about the rambling, stupid post. My brain isn’t functioning well.

Oh, by the way, I am now registered for classes. In January, I can officially be counted as a college student. I’m just working towards an associate’s degree in nursing right now, but I’ve got big plans. Eventually I want to get a Masters in nursing-midwifery. Baby steps though. Plus it will keep our debt load smaller if I work on my degree in steps.

Have a terrific Thursday.