A Few Thoughts on Beyonce

So, the rumor mill has started with the help of some pretty good photographic evidence.

That’s right.

Beyonce may be faking her pregnancy. She sat down in front of the camera on an Australian TV show and her belly just deflated. WTH?


I’m not writing about this because it’s juicy gossip or because I feel the need to rip her apart.

Looking at this from the perspective of an infertile, I can see why she would do this. Pregnancy is big in Hollywood. You can’t pick up a gallon of milk without seeing multiple magazines speculating whether this or that celebrity is hiding her bump or showing off her newborn. Babies make for lots of good publicity. And when a power couple like Beyonce and Jay-Z announce that their expecting, it makes them seem a lot more human.

Now imagine leading such a public life and having fertility issues. Or choosing to use a surrogate so pregnancy doesn’t ruin your body, which just happens to be a major part of your career?

I guess if I was in Beyonce’s shoes, I would have a hard time admitting to the public that I don’t lead this perfect life. What I mean is, she has a great career, husband, life, etc., so maybe she thinks that admitting that they have trouble conceiving or choose to use a surrogate because of career/body issues is admitting that she’s not perfect.

Even I, who nobody outside my little circle really cares about, have a hard time telling people we are having trouble conceiving. And when everyone and their sisters are popping out kids left and right, it seems like you are left out of the popular girls crowd. And when the media is saying it’s the coolest thing to be pregnant now, it makes a person feel like crap that they can’t get that right. I can’t imagine what it would like to have a public personality and have to say, “my lady parts are broken. I needed assistance.”. I know the pressure I put on myself to get pregnant is already intense enough, but to also have pressure (imagined or not) from media would make a woman feel pretty desperate.

I don’t care how she comes about having a family. Whether she pops one out herself, has a surrogate do it for her, or chooses to adopt a child that is truly in need of a loving home, the choice is ultimately between her and her husband. A child is a blessing, no matter what, and the media should never make a woman feel bad because she chooses a different path to motherhood.

But she shouldn’t be pretending to be pregnant for publicity either. Just man up and admit that you needed help, if that’s the case.

Just a few rambling thoughts of mine at six in the morning.

Have a terrific Wednesday.


It’s a lovely day to be infertile!

It’s official. Every single one of my friends from high school have announced a pregnancy in the the last year. Every last one. I’m not exaggerating. The last one announced she’s six weeks along today. With that hideous Baby- Gaga app on Facebook. Screw my life.

Today is looking like a Hagen-Daz and Jane Austen, sitting in pjs and not leaving the house type of day.

Hide All Sharp Objects

Tomorrow we are going to the OG with my mom to celebrate her birthday/Mother’s Day. We consists of my sisters Dee and Jae, my sister-in-law H and my brother Tee’s girlfriend Dako. H will be bringing her daughter, Bug and Jae will bring her daughter’s CC and JL. (Bear with the stupid nicknames, but my husband wants me to keep our anonymity and that includes family members.)

I have had a tough time with some of the choices my sister Jae has made in her life. I won’t get into all of them, but the one that has bothered me the most is when she got pregnant with JL.

She was not seeing anyone seriously just fooling around with one our dad’s friends. Weird, right? She counted the days in her cycle wrong and , oops!, fell pregnant. She then preceded to tell me about her pregnancy through a text message.

To shed some light on why I was devastated by this news, K and I had been trying to conceive for about two years at this point. Two months prior to Jae’s big announcement, I had had an early miscarriage. I was heartbroken for a long time afterwards. My husband then decided that we should stop seeing a dr to get pregnant and only try naturally.

Well, during my sister’s pregnancy, she met JR online and “fell in love”. After JL was born, she went out to meet him a months later and returned married. Big surprise to the family.

Since then, her blood pressure became elevated and she straddles the fence between insulin resistant and having Type II diabetes. Her marriage is not a good one. Yet she’s not using birth control.

So lately, she’s been making comments about not knowing how much longer she’s going to be able to do things and how tired she is. She’s been posting things on facebook like “Can’t wait to tell” and “we’ve got a secret”.

Which brings us back to dinner tomorrow. I have this horrible feeling she’s going to have a “big announcement” which she will want to share at our Mother’s Day celebration.

If she does, I will have to stab her in the eye with a fork.

(courtesy of minxeats.com)

I won’t do that though. I will have to sit there and smile and pretend to be happy for her. I will desperately try (and fail) not to cry because she will start her passive-aggressive campaign on facebook about how “someone” just can’t be happy for her and “someone” needs to grow up and realize that others can’t stop living their lives just because “someone” can’t have what she has.

I’m not just making things up about her facebook trollness. Those are actual quotes that she posted referring to me after she told me about JL. I just couldn’t be around her because it hurt so much. She thought I was being a big baby. I never told her about the miscarriage though.

Sorry for the rant. I’m feeling a bit sensitive anyway because of Mother’s Day and my miscarriage in March.

But seriously, take the fork and knife away from me.