I’m Angry?

I rarely ever get angry. I may get upset or irritated but angry is something I would say happens about twice a year. I have to tell you this because it’s an integral part of my story today.

Yesterday was the first day of gun deer season here in Wisconsin. I decided to take advantage of the fact that K, Frick and Frack would be gone all day by visiting my good friend. I don’t get to see her very often and we aren’t phone call people so it’s always great to catch up with her. Do you have a friend who you don’t talk to often but when you do, it’s like no time has passed at all? That’s my girlfriend.

We had a lovely visit and I’m so glad I took the time to go up there. On the way home, I was distracted and in a hurry. It was snowing so I also wanted to get home before the roads got slippery. I stopped at my dad’s bar to drop something off for my brother. I didn’t want to stay at all because the bar is a total time suck. You start talking to people and four hours later, you are well into making a dent in the barstool.

My sister and her husband were the only people there. I said hello, set the item on the bar and told them it was for Dennis, said goodbye and left. No anger involved.

Later, K had to call up Dennis to find out how hunting went up by them. I was already in bed so didn’t hear what K’s part of the conversation was. K came upstairs later and told me what was said to Dennis. I apparently just threw the item on the bar without saying a word to anyone and slammed the bar door as I was leaving.

Whatever. This sister has a tendency to think anyone who isn’t in the mood to talk is angry. She also likes to cause drama. It just bothers me that she has to run her mouth saying I was all pissed off when I wasn’t.

I would say more on the topic but thinking about it just irritates and frustrates me. I have said all I will say on the subject and that’s it.

I hope you are having a great weekend. I am. Off to church today, then home to skin and cut up four(!) deer today. That’s right; K, Frick, Frack and my FIL all got a deer on opening day.

How My Weekend Went

I have to admit it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Except the part where I was sick. Friday night I could not stop throwing up. It continued through the morning until about 11:00. It was horrible. I even peed my pants because I was vomiting so hard. Thank goodness I had a near empty bladder. I was still feeling queasy when I left but after drinking a Coke I felt much better.

I arrived at my dad’s bar at two on Saturday to meet up with everyone. It was supposed to be a birthday/Mother’s Day dinner for my mom with all her daughters and granddaughters. My older sister TJ and her daughter Tabby couldn’t make it because they are always busy. Dako, Dee, H and Bug arrived shortly after I did. H said my sister Jae would meet us at the OG because she had to go to a birthday party in town. I thought it was strange because she was at her house when I drove past a few minutes beforehand.

So we arrived and were seated shortly. My mom had a watermelon martini and complained about not being able to taste the vodka. Jae sent H a text message saying she was leaving in a minute. Then ten minutes later sent one that said she wasn’t coming. I think we were all kind of relieved that she wasn’t going to be there. My sister likes to cause drama and is a bit two-faced.

We laughed a lot, ate plenty and just had a good time. I’m so glad we did this. I know my mom really enjoyed herself too, which was the whole point of the day.

On Sunday, I got up and headed to church. Even though I knew it would be a rough day, I still went anyway. A few teenagers got up and gave talks. I find it amusing that when kids give talks, they read in this monotone voice straight from the article. After the first two talks and a introduction from the new elder, the Primary children sang a few songs about mothers and families. I started tearing up. I couldn’t help it. I just sat there thinking about how I don’t have anyone to call me Mom.

Another monotone talk was given by one of the Young Women, then a man got up to talk about the sacred role of motherhood. I broke down and had to leave before I started bawling. It didn’t take me long to calm down and was able to catch the closing hymn and prayer.

The children handed out a gift and a paper flower to all the women.

That little purse thing is adorable. It holds a bottle of hand sanitizer.

Some of the ladies who know about our problems came over after sacrament meeting to give me hugs and words of encouragement. They are some of the loveliest people I know. Since I was an emotional wreck, I left right after sacrament meeting. I let myself bawl in the car for a few minutes before heading home.

K got home about 1/2 hour after I did (he was at his annual opening of fishing boys only weekend up north). He came up to me and gave me a big hug and asked if I had gone to church. He just hugged me tight when I said yes and started crying again.

He’s a wonderful man. He came home early just because he knew I would be having a hard time with it being Mother’s Day. What a gem I have for a husband.

Hide All Sharp Objects

Tomorrow we are going to the OG with my mom to celebrate her birthday/Mother’s Day. We consists of my sisters Dee and Jae, my sister-in-law H and my brother Tee’s girlfriend Dako. H will be bringing her daughter, Bug and Jae will bring her daughter’s CC and JL. (Bear with the stupid nicknames, but my husband wants me to keep our anonymity and that includes family members.)

I have had a tough time with some of the choices my sister Jae has made in her life. I won’t get into all of them, but the one that has bothered me the most is when she got pregnant with JL.

She was not seeing anyone seriously just fooling around with one our dad’s friends. Weird, right? She counted the days in her cycle wrong and , oops!, fell pregnant. She then preceded to tell me about her pregnancy through a text message.

To shed some light on why I was devastated by this news, K and I had been trying to conceive for about two years at this point. Two months prior to Jae’s big announcement, I had had an early miscarriage. I was heartbroken for a long time afterwards. My husband then decided that we should stop seeing a dr to get pregnant and only try naturally.

Well, during my sister’s pregnancy, she met JR online and “fell in love”. After JL was born, she went out to meet him a months later and returned married. Big surprise to the family.

Since then, her blood pressure became elevated and she straddles the fence between insulin resistant and having Type II diabetes. Her marriage is not a good one. Yet she’s not using birth control.

So lately, she’s been making comments about not knowing how much longer she’s going to be able to do things and how tired she is. She’s been posting things on facebook like “Can’t wait to tell” and “we’ve got a secret”.

Which brings us back to dinner tomorrow. I have this horrible feeling she’s going to have a “big announcement” which she will want to share at our Mother’s Day celebration.

If she does, I will have to stab her in the eye with a fork.

(courtesy of minxeats.com)

I won’t do that though. I will have to sit there and smile and pretend to be happy for her. I will desperately try (and fail) not to cry because she will start her passive-aggressive campaign on facebook about how “someone” just can’t be happy for her and “someone” needs to grow up and realize that others can’t stop living their lives just because “someone” can’t have what she has.

I’m not just making things up about her facebook trollness. Those are actual quotes that she posted referring to me after she told me about JL. I just couldn’t be around her because it hurt so much. She thought I was being a big baby. I never told her about the miscarriage though.

Sorry for the rant. I’m feeling a bit sensitive anyway because of Mother’s Day and my miscarriage in March.

But seriously, take the fork and knife away from me.