When waiting isn’t in our husbands best interests

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That adorable little girl is my niece, Natalie. She’s four now; this picture’s about 2 years old. She is the most adorable little girl who has the funniest facial expressions.

Last night, K and I went to her house for dinner. Her parents are my older brother, Dennis, and his wife, Heidi. We had a good time talking and laughing. Plus grilled chicken and sweet corn on the cob for supper. Yum!

My brother is 38 and Heidi is 25. That’s quite an age difference. Of course the subject of having babies came up. I know Heidi would like to wait a few years before trying for another but they are trying now. My brother doesn’t want to be an old man with young kids. He’d like to be around when they graduate, get married and have babies of their own. So Heidi defers to his wishes when it comes to planning the timing of their second.

We kind of have the same situation at our house. Because we knew there would be problems conceiving, we started trying six months after dating. K was 36 and I was 26 at the time. I think the idea was to have two before he turned 42. Now, after four years of trying, I am 31 and he’s 40. I want to take a break, work on my education and a career so we could be on better financial footing when we have a baby.

That would take about four years though. K doesn’t want to be an old man and with the struggles we have conceiving, he could be fifty before we’d have a baby. He wants to play with his kids, teach them to hunt and fish and not need a walker to go to his children’s high school graduation. So we continue trying because we have a timeline.

The only reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because so many people keep telling me I have years to have a baby. I may have a good nine or ten years but my husband doesn’t. Well, physically he has ages but is that fair to a child? Frick and Frack’s grandfather married a woman who is the same age as their mother. They have a seven year old daughter together. He will be 82 when she graduates high school, if he’s even alive by then. My brother and K don’t want to be in that situation.

So, when there is a gap in ages, sometimes your idea of when the right timing for a child has to be adjusted to fit your spouse’s schedule instead of your own.

Waiting

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Infertility is one big waiting game. You wait to ovulate. Then comes the two week wait. If you get a negative pregnancy test, you wait for your period to start. You wait to see the doctor. You wait for test results. You wait for the go ahead to start treatment. You wait for the nurse to call. You wait until you have enough money saved to start another procedure/medication.

All this waiting can drive a woman batty. Life begins to revolve around waiting. While all this waiting is happening, the world continues to turn. The sun rises and sets. Babies are born and old folks die. Life keeps occurring, even though we feel the world is suspended while all this waiting is going on.

After having a cyst that burst, my doctor said my ovaries have never looked healthier. So now I’m waiting for my cycle to start so I can wait to ovulate then wait for those two pink lines (fingers crossed).

Only my appointment was a week and a half ago and it looked I was ready to start in a few days then. Right now, I’ve had horrible cramps for the last two days and still no sign of dear old Aunt Flo. I’ve never wanted my period to come so much.

I guess it’s more of the old hurry up and wait for this gal.