Moving On

I’m not even halfway through this cycle and I have decided we are done.  I am not using ovulation predictor kits.  I only temp to keep track of this cycle.  I don’t even care that we are not baby dancing every other day. No more waiting til summer ends.  No more trying. 

After five years of trying, we are ready to move on to the next step. 

We had the “are we truly ready to adopt?” discussion tonight.  That is now our plan.

While we don’t know what steps we are taking regarding adoption, we will now be ready to take those steps together.

I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders.  I’m certain that this journey will prove to be another burden but one that will result in much joy.

Avoidance

This has been the post I have been avoiding. So last Tuesday, I was waiting for the nurse to call me back. I had called at 8 in the morning. The nurse called back after 3 in the afternoon. I don’t have a cell phone so I missed her call. The next morning my temp dropped and I started spotting. I decided not to call back. Thursday brought on a very heavy, painful period. When I went to the bathroom in the morning, I noticed a lot of clots on my pad. All but one were normal brownish red in color. One was a little pink one just a bit smaller than a pencil eraser. I’ve never had that before so I decided to call my doctor’s office.

They said it could be a miscarriage so they had me come in to do a quantitative pregnancy test. (That measures the level of hcg, the pregnancy hormone, in the blood.). Anything above 5 is considered pregnant. My results were 7.

So, after 5 years, I have ovulated three times, gotten pregnant three times, and had an early miscarriage three times. Apparently, when I do ovulate, I have no problem getting pregnant. My doctor suggested getting tested for recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL). My insurance won’t cover these tests due to RPL being a diagnosis of infertility. These tests are expensive.

Since K and I will stop trying by the end of the summer, I’ve decided not to do the testing. Once summer is over, I’ll go back on the Pill. The focus will then be on getting healthier and getting our lives in order to prepare for adoption.

I am just so tired. Infertility has been taking all of my emotional energy for too long. I’m ready to be free of this part of my life.

Not Sure What to Do

I’m 20 days post ovulation today.  I keep getting negative tests.   My boobs are sore.  My temperatures are still up.  I can smell like a bloodhound.  If I’m not pregnant, I don’t know what’s up.  I also have stabbing pain about where my right ovary is.

So I called this morning to get a blood test done.  The receptionist said the nurse would call me back shortly.  That was two hours ago.  I would like this ordered this morning so I can stop in before school.   I’m starting to get frustrated.  I just want to know what’s going on.  If I’m pregnant, great.  If I’m not, I need to get in to the doctor to find out what’s causing all of this.  I’m trying very hard to resist Dr. Google.  If I google my symptoms, I’m sure I’ll end up thinking I’m dying of cancer or some dire disease.

Call me back.  Please.